Place: The Peninsula, 9882 S Santa Monica Blvd, Beverly Hills, CA 90212
Tea of Choice: The Belvedere & English Breakfast
Giraffe Rating (out of 5 | for tea): 4.37
That one time we saw John Travolta at Afternoon Tea*
Happy Birthday, Aunty Fun Fun!
If you're wondering who the lovely ladies that I went to tea are, they're my famILY**. From left to right - Simi O. Aunty Fun Fun (O. neé A.) and Sope A.. To caption the picture above: Simi (cousin on the left) mid-story about someone acting crazy (Crazy = wild, deranged, out of control human - staple part of Simi's vocabulary when referencing others behavior).
When people ask me what's it like to be so far away from home, I laugh a little because I'm kind of cheating. My extended family lives precisely 7.9 miles away from USC University Campus - I know, real far. So with a second family literally at arm's length, I don't always think of myself as being that far away (still v far away from my mama and sissies). My family is loud, rambunctious and full of energy, with the conversation ebbing and flowing between uncontrollable bouts of laughter to more serious topics such as which SoulCycle is more bougie, West Hollywood or Beverly Hills? But if you can't hold your own in a conversation, or don't like to be teased then don't even try to join in; this isn't the famILY for you.
I would describe Simi and myself as same same but different. The next three statements will make it abundantly clear that we are cousins. #1 (a). Neither of us shares food #1(b). Neither of us appreciates or participate conversation if we're hungry and/or sleepy #2. Sleep is everything. Would you poke a sleeping bear? Ok, then use the same logic. Differences? She has a natural flair for storytelling. From the first word of the saga, you'll be captivated, waiting with bated breath as her words slowly rise and fall and weave themselves into some ludicrous yet riveting tale. Also if you'd like to learn the art of giving someone stank eye let me know and I'll refer you to the in-house expert.
Aunty Funke is a math-whizz and all-around efficient ninja (convinced that she's actually a CIA agent but this is classified information, so keep it on the down-low). Not sure what to order in the restaurant? Talk to Aunty. Not sure of whether it's day or night if the earth is even orbiting? Talk to Aunty. What is life? Talk to Aunty. If you need guidance, structure, help, organizational finesse, you've guessed it, talk to Aunty. She's taught me many things including but not limited to: (1) If you can find it on Amazon, then why are we talking? (2) Where to buy half decent shoes despite having size 12 feet (3) When in doubt, Yelp. Pertinent life lessons that all should learn sooner rather than later.
Sope, though quieter, do not be fooled. She's like a mute swan, beautiful and graceful but has the ability to end should she need to. I say this because she's really small (by comparison) but I drew her once, in my opinion, "life-size", in a birthday card and she was less than impressed. I thought I might die from the look alone - so yes, unassuming yet deadly. She's one of my favorite people to go people watching with. Before you know it you've recreated the lives of those around you and filled what could have been a mundane conversation with light, lilting musings about a newly created fictional setting.
This is the closest I've come to recreating the traditional British Afternoon Tea on the West Coast. From scones to tea to finger sandwiches the scene was set. Aunty Funke, Sope and I ordered the Belvedere Tea, which is their signature tea. According to the menu the tea has been "chosen to delight tea aficionados. Like a beautiful Burgundy wine, this cup offers a lush aroma with hints of dried fruit". To me, it tasted like black tea, not sure where the fruit was (maybe still in the bag), however, it wasn't bitter or tart but smooth, and one could sip without milk or sugar. Simi, being the black horse, ordered English Breakfast Tea - I was close to doing the same. If you're looking to be bougie for the weekend or weekday or just in life in general, then this is the place.
Pros: Sometimes one just needs to connect and embrace their inner-bougie-ness. I have and so should you. The Peninsula allows you to go all out whilst remaining classy.
Cons: The seating is REAL low (my legs were in my mouth, I was afraid that I would bite my knee instead of the scone - if you are small this isn't a con for you, however, my legs are the length of some humans so this is a con) and there's not much room if your party is bigger than two people.
Thank you for coming to tea with me, FamILY.
*can confirm his face no longer moves - stay away from botox kids
**Fam-I-Love-You
Until next time,
BG